Christians And Divorce: 6 Myths About The Effects of Divorce On Adult Children
Christians have a divorce rate roughly equal to non-Christians. They also share the same six myths about the effects of divorce on adult children. Most people know that divorce has a huge impact on minor children but not everyone realizes that adult children are also significantly affected.
Here are the 6 myths:
1. Adult children won't be affected financially. Not true. Many adults today aren't self-sufficient and rely on their parents into their late 20's and early 30's. A divorce may affect their parents' ability to help them financially through college and while finding a job. The separation of assets also means that any family assets that may have been available for them later through inheritance will most likely be spent. In addition, they may now have one or both parents who won't be financially stable who may need financial help from the children at some point.
2. Adult children won't be put in the middle. To the contrary, many divorcing parents tell their children all the divorce details assuming that their adult children will understand the marital problems and even be able to offer advice and support and many blatantly attempt to get the children to side with them against the other spouse. Parents often disclose information to their children that creates a dilemma for the adult child.
Hearing shortcomings about your parent even if they are only manifested in the marriage makes you question the character of your parent. Telling an adult child negative things about one of their parents puts them in the difficult position of appearing to condone the behavior by continuing to have a relationship with that person. The pressure to side with one parent over the other comes from the parents and from the internal conflict the adult child feels over the choices the parent is making.
4. Adult children won't feel responsible. Young children often blame themselves for their parents' divorce. Adult children also feel responsible for their parents but in different ways. You don't worry about your mom when she is with your dad and your dad when your mom is taking care of him, but you do worry about each when they are alone. When they know a parent is hurting emotionally, they will feel a need to emotionally support and comfort the parent. They will feel responsible to spend more time with a parent who feels alone and has too much empty time to fill. If one or both parents are struggling financially due to the break up, the adult child will struggle with whether or not to help financially. They may even have to deal with a parent needing to move into their home. They may feel that it is their responsibility to confront the parent that is causing the divorce or be a mediator to try to get the parents back together.
While there are times that Christians need to divorce, it is important to know the truth about how everyone in the family will be affected. You need to understand these six myths about how adult children are affected by divorce so you can respond appropriately to your adult children and support them through this difficult family adjustment.
If you need more practical tips and Biblical truths to help you change your relationships, get my FREE "15-Day Relationship Challenge" designed to give you back the power over your life. Just click here: http://www.free15daychallenge.com Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karla_Downing
When does the Bible say
divorce is permissible?
Article source - http://www.divorcehelpforchristianwomen.com/Bible-Says.html
Bible Reason #1: Divorce is permissible in the case of marital unfaithfulness.
Jesus permitted divorce in the case of marital unfaithfulness, which is defined as illicit sexual activity. In such cases, adulterous sex breaks the marriage covenant, giving grounds for dissolving the marriage legally through divorce.
“But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:32
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9
The expression, “marital unfaithfulness,” in the original Greek text of this verse, is the word porneia, from which we get the English word, pornography. Porneia referred to sexual sin of any kind--adultery, homosexuality; incest, pornography, etc. The Bible says that behaviors like these are morally wrong.
That could also include an emotional affair with someone that includes kissing, hugging or fondling, but stops just short of sexual intercourse. Exactly where the line is that makes divorce permissible is especially hard to find when you consider Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:27-28: “You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' [28] But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Bible Reason #2: Divorce is permissible in cases of abandonment.
This is spelled out by Paul in I Corinthians 7:15 where he says that if one spouse leaves another, the abandoned person is no longer bound to the marriage.
“If a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him....But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:13, 15
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul originally specified abandonment by unbelievers as the grounds for dissolving a marriage, since some in that church were experiencing rejection by non-Christian spouses. However, abandonment can be perpetrated even by someone claiming to be a follower of Christ. In either case, the one who abandons a spouse breaks covenant faithfulness by failing to “cleave” or “cling to” that spouse—which is the very foundation of marriage (Gen. 2:24).
In the context of I Corinthians 7:15, Paul is referring, specifically, to spouses who are not Christ followers abandoning husbands/wives who are, but the broader principle here is that God allows a spouse who is abandoned—for any reason—to pursue divorce.
Keep in mind that sometimes that abandonment is not a physical relocation, but emotional distance created by an addiction to drugs or alcohol or abuse. Scripture doesn't encourage divorce for these reasons!
Obviously, God would prefer that two people work towards a marriage where both parties love and nurture each other, but that takes more than one person’s commitment. In my own case, I cried out to God to heal my marriage until one day God clearly spoke these compassionate words to my heart: “There are some things you can’t change, child.” Accepting that fact became the start of my healing, but it took an awfully long time for me to be able to hear it.
I don’t want to give the impression that God is in favor of easy divorce, or that he takes marriage lightly. Too often, however, Christians have swung to the other extreme, using a narrow interpretation of the Bible to condemn those who are in situations they themselves would not be able to endure. Here’s what Jesus would say to them: Luke 11:46 “Jesus replied, ‘And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.’”
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1. Adult children won't be affected financially. Not true. Many adults today aren't self-sufficient and rely on their parents into their late 20's and early 30's. A divorce may affect their parents' ability to help them financially through college and while finding a job. The separation of assets also means that any family assets that may have been available for them later through inheritance will most likely be spent. In addition, they may now have one or both parents who won't be financially stable who may need financial help from the children at some point.
4. Adult children won't feel responsible. Young children often blame themselves for their parents' divorce. Adult children also feel responsible for their parents but in different ways. You don't worry about your mom when she is with your dad and your dad when your mom is taking care of him, but you do worry about each when they are alone. When they know a parent is hurting emotionally, they will feel a need to emotionally support and comfort the parent. They will feel responsible to spend more time with a parent who feels alone and has too much empty time to fill. If one or both parents are struggling financially due to the break up, the adult child will struggle with whether or not to help financially. They may even have to deal with a parent needing to move into their home. They may feel that it is their responsibility to confront the parent that is causing the divorce or be a mediator to try to get the parents back together.
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